Steamed Hams
by AaronCottrell97
Summary: Thomas teases Duck about his driver boiling an egg on his whistle. When he sees Toby's crew using his firebox to cook bacon, he thinks it's ridiculous, but his own crew are intrigued and decide to use Thomas to cook their lunch, with hilarious results that put Thomas in his place for all his teasing. Based on the story by The Buried Truck and RightOnTracks.


Thomas had come home again and had shared several tales of China with Emily and David, who in turn shared their stories of what happened while he was away. With Thomas back home, he and Emily could now enjoy each other's company as much as they could until the next adventure in mid-June. As the days passed, Thomas got back to his business on his Branch Line and was seeing all his friends again. But as Thomas caught on that he was back on Sodor for a while, some of his conceited, cheeky behaviour would show itself again. What Thomas did not know was how it would backfire on him in a most unusual, and embarrassing way.

One sunny day, Thomas was waiting for Duck to arrive with his train at Tidmouth Station. He had been waiting for several minutes now.

"Cinders and Ashes, Duck! Where can he be?" he grumbled. "Just because I'm a guaranteed connection doesn't give him the right to be late!"

Then, Thomas heard something loud and long in the distance. Duck soon pulled into the station, making an awful noise! His whistle chain was stuck on his cab, making his whistle blow endlessly. The passengers held their ears, and Thomas winced as Duck's whistle continued to blow. At last, the driver freed the whistle chain, and silence fell upon the station.

"What's wrong Duck? Got another egg stuck in your whistle?" chuckled Thomas.

Duck rolled his eyes. He had heard it all before several times.

"Honestly, your eggs, Percy's chocolate!" Thomas laughed. "When you will you ever learn engines don't need food? Not happy with coal and water, are we?"

Just then, Toby arrived with Henrietta. "Smarten up, Thomas! You're one to talk! Have you forgotten what happened on Edward's Branch Line a few years ago?"

Long ago, Thomas was delivering trucks to the docks for Bill and Ben, when he hit a farmer's lorry and was in covered in eggs. He did not like being reminded of the incident.

"And what about when you were low on water, and your driver and fireman went fishing for you?" Henrietta added with a grin. "Engines don't go fishing. It's too uncomfortable!"

This only made Thomas even crosser. "Pah!" he huffed. But with Duck's whistle chain being stuck just now, he suddenly remembered the egg incident all those years ago with the Small Engines…

* * *

"What's so funny?" asked Rex.

"It's Duck!" Thomas announced loudly. "Have you heard his whistle this morning? His driver boiled an egg on it, and some of the egg got stuck! But don't laugh."

Suddenly, Duck's whistle split the air…only it sounded like utter flatulence, making Thomas struggle to hold in his laughter. The Small Engines heard Duck too and were quite surprised to hear such a noise.

"Is that really you, Duck?" asked Rex. "I never knew you could boil an egg on a steam whistle!"

"Neither did I. And I don't recommend it," Duck replied shamefully.

"Alright, alright. Don't go on about it, Duck," said his driver sheepishly. And Duck set off again, with another embarrassing, yet funny-sounding whistle.

"Duck shouldn't make such horrible sounds. It's shocking!" exclaimed Mike, who was very proud of his own whistle.

"I'm going to whistle like that to everyone today!" Thomas gloated.

* * *

Thomas fell out of his flashback and smirked. As he set off again, he decided to have some mischievous fun. He peeked at Duck, took a deep breath, then blew a raspberry rather loudly in his direction. Duck, Toby and Henrietta all stared with shock and surprise before sighing to themselves.

There are many farms on Thomas' Branch Line that supply food for the market. Toby delivers trucks of eggs, bacon and cheese from the farms, while Percy collects the milk train at the dairy. Daisy also used to collect the milk...whenever it suited her, until she was relocated to Harwick. They enjoy their work, and have made great friends with the farmers along the line.

The next morning, Toby had stopped at Elsbridge with his train. By then it was almost noon and Toby was going to be spending the rest of the day working at the quarry. So his driver and fireman decided to break early for lunch and got to work, right at Toby's firebox. Then suddenly, Toby heard a very loud raspberry coming from beside him.

"Hello, Toby!" It was Thomas, still laughing at Duck's past misfortunes with his whistle.

"How rude, Thomas!" huffed Henrietta. "No engine whistles like that!"

"Duck could do it!" Thomas bragged. "If another egg got stuck in his whistle!"

"Duck can't help it if there's an accident with his whistle, Thomas," said Henrietta. "No more than Gordon could help it when his whistle valve jammed and caused such a racket. You really mustn't be so cheeky about it."

As Thomas waited for his guards whistle again, he saw Toby's driver and fireman cooking bacon in his firebox for lunch. This only confused him further.

"Toby! You too? Your driver and fireman use you to cook food too? A steam tram cooking steamed hams? It's not proper!" he huffed.

"There's no harm in it," replied Toby. "My crew need their 'coal and water' too, after all!"

Thomas snorted indignantly. He thought the idea was silly, but his crew were most intrigued. To them, using a steam engine for some forms of cooking sounded like a resourceful idea, even if it could be prone to mistakes…and Thomas' driver suddenly had a little idea to make Thomas see a little sense if his cheekiness persisted. As soon as Thomas was ready to go, he let out yet another raspberry as he set off. But inside the cab, his driver winked to the fireman, who winked back…

A little while later, as Thomas stopped at a junction with a red signal, he heard Duck's whistle. It still sounded perfect after his driver fixed the problem earlier. Thomas looked and saw Emily and Duck passing by together.

"Wow, Duck! That truly is a tip-top sounding whistle. A fine Great Western whistle in my opinion," Emily smiled.

"Thanks, Emily. I'm just glad my driver knows how to fix it," Duck replied.

Thomas was still in a cheeky mood. "Sounds lovely, Duck! But be careful! Your driver might want your help with lunch. I saw Toby's crew steam up some bacon with his firebox. Maybe you could boil another egg for your driver…or maybe go…" Then Thomas blew another raspberry at Duck before wheezing with laughter.

Emily saw Duck turn a little red with annoyance. She had heard all about Thomas' teasing since yesterday, and was not amused in the slightest by his immaturity towards Duck. "Thomas! That's quite enough!" she hissed sternly as she and Duck passed by.

Thomas took no notice and kept laughing as his signal turned green. This gave his driver an idea. He and the fireman would do it as soon as they had the chance. With Thomas being so cheeky to Duck, perhaps he needed to see what it was truly like for himself…

Later that day, they arrived at Tidmouth. Emily also came through with a small goods train. She saw Thomas resting in a siding, and was not pleased with his behaviour toward Duck. As she left her trucks in a siding and rested by herself, she suddenly heard some things that made her perk up with wonder.

As Thomas rested, his crew snuck off to the station cafeteria. Emily watched as they stood at the cafeteria for a few minutes. Just in front of them was David. After he walked away with a spot of tea, the driver and fireman took their turn…then walked back to Thomas, carrying a handful of bacon and buns. Emily slowly followed and found another siding, hiding behind another line of trucks, watching the scene.

Thomas looked up and felt his heart jump. "Uhh…what are you two doing?" He asked suspiciously.

"Right, give your shovel a wipe-down," his driver said to the fireman. "And we'll give it a try!"

Thomas was aghast. "Don't you dare!" he snapped! "You're not using me to cook your lunch! I'm a steam engine, not a stove!"

The driver and fireman just laughed and readied the bacon, putting three fine-looking slices on the shovel. But when it was time to cook, they couldn't get Thomas' fire to burn properly, no matter what they did.

"Come on, Thomas!" said his driver, crossly. "I'm hungry!" Thomas huffed, and the flames flickered fiercely. The fireman, caught unaware, couldn't react in time, and the bacon caught fire. He yanked the shovel out of the firebox, but when he did, the bacon had disappeared!

"Where'd it go?" asked the driver. "Oh dear. It must've slid off the shovel..." replied the fireman.

"You get that bacon out of my firebox before...before...ugh! Ohh…I don't feel so good…" Thomas trailed off, beginning to feel unwell. Slowly, but surely, the air filled with a rather strong smell of smoky, greasy bacon. Then suddenly, with a huff and a blow, Thomas gave a great sneeze. Bacon shot from his funnel like a rocket, landing on his smokebox. One strip landed right on his nose, hot, salty and greasy.

David heard the sneeze from the station and spat out a mouthful of tea. "I say!" he exclaimed.

"Ouch!" exclaimed Thomas, "Get it off, get it off!"

The driver and fireman ran to see if Thomas was alright, but they couldn't help but laugh when they saw the bacon clinging to his nose. "Haven't had much luck with food, have you Thomas? First fish, then eggs, and now bacon! Shall we fetch some buttered toast for you?"

Thomas, red in the face, wheeshed angrily. "St-stop laughing!" he stammered, "It's not funny! Get this off of me before someone sees!"

But it was too late. Duck puffed into the station and saw everything. "Oh dear," he remarked. "Not content with coal and water, are we? Honestly, Thomas! When will you learn engines don't need food?"

Thomas had no reply. He just looked at his buffers with a grouchy look as Duck and the crews gave a hearty chuckle. And then, as if that wasn't enough, Thomas heard another laugh. Emily had seen everything too, and was now beside Thomas, pink in the cheeks.

"Cinders and Ashes, Thomas!" she squealed. "You have…steamed hams on your nose! And you smell like bacon too!"

Emily laughed and laughed. "Tee-hee! Ha-ha! Hm-hm-hm! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Then David came hurrying over. "What's all this jibber-jabber and laughter about? I upset my tea! And…what is that smell?"

"D-David!" Emily squealed through her laughing. "It's…its Thomas! His driver tried to cook bacon in his firebox…and his fire burned so wildly, the bacon got stuck right inside him! He sneezed it our through his funnel! Now, he's got some steamed hams on him!"

"Steamed…Ha-a-a-ams? He-he…he-he-he-HE-HE!" David took one look at Thomas, gasped, and then… "BAH-HA-HAH! Oh!"

Emily stopped laughing for a moment, and stared at her Navy friend, but held her smile. "Are you okay, David?"

"YES, YES, OF COURSE I AM!" David yelled hysterically as he spluttered with laughter. "It's those steamed hams! Look at him! Oh-ho-ho! I can't stop! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

David laughed so hard, he scrambled over to a nearby crate to stop himself from falling over, while he choked a little on his last few guffaws, then finally settled down.

"Ahh! Mmm! That's priceless!" he gasped, nearly out of breath from laughing.

"Agh! Look at me!" Thomas wheeshed crossly. "I look like I crashed through another stationmaster's house!"

"Serves you right!" giggled Emily. "You've been teasing Duck so much! Even when his whistle was working perfectly, you kept teasing him…and now look at yourself, Thomas! You look hilarious!"

"Well, people do say a complete breakfast is good for you!" David laughed. "Bacon and eggs, anyone?"

"Bah!" said Thomas as he angrily and loudly let off steam in a vain attempt to hide himself and drown out the laughter, but he couldn't. There was a little tank engine who had just steamed up some hams, and that engine was Thomas!

* * *

As I said, this is an adaptation the free to adapt "Steamed Hams" story written by The Buried Truck and RightOnTracks. Loved this story so much I felt I had to adapt it into my series, and so much that I decided to make a sequel to it, be warned though that it's gonna be an M rating. So take caution with it, but also look forward to the next story, and as always, leave your thoughts on this story and we'll see you next time.


End file.
